We are stronger than we think...

I remember first getting a call from my doctor when I was about four months pregnant telling me that some blood tests I had done showed high levels indicating Micah might have Spina Bifida.  I thought, "I am not strong enough to handle this..." Little did I know what the next month would bring.

When we first found out Micah had died, I was crushed.  I felt a weight so heavy pushing me down, I thought I would never be able to lift it.  Like any workout (physical or emotional), it was so tempting to give up, to say I am not strong enough and let myself be crushed.  It would have been so much easier to give in to the blackening world around me and sleep and sleep and sleep.

Nine weeks ago I started a workout program called Body Back.  The owner (Breanne) offered me the class for free (a huge, sweet gift).  Like many other things that had come my way at the time, I just wanted to say no.  There were huge risks involved: It was a workout program for moms, what if I met other women with babies? I didn't want to know happy families. What if I made friends?  I didn't want more friends. What if I found out I actually was not strong enough to do this?

I rallied and said yes any way and I am so glad I did.  Looking at my physical before and after pictures, I wish that I could have taken mental before and after.  When I first started going to the biweekly workouts, I would cry every time the quiet cool down part would come.  The other women in class would offer support, having no idea why the strange blonde one cried every day.  By the end of the program, cool downs became a time to reflect on my growth and progress and hope.  The weight was easier to lift, the load got lighter, I got stronger.

Here are the physical pictures.... before is on the left and after on the right.