Arm Chair Philosophers

I remember when a friend of found out her baby had spina bifida, one of the things she said was difficult was that people you never would normally discuss philosophy with were all of a sudden sharing their life and death thoughts with you.  It is funny because I remembered her saying this almost right after we found out about Micah.  I knew the onslaught of arm chair philosophers was coming.

And so they came with their platitudes mostly:

"Don't worry, God will never give you more than you can handle."  Really?  Then why do people shoot up shopping malls after a break up or drown their children because of postpartum?  Apparently their lives were more than they could handle.

"It is just God's way, there must have been something wrong with the baby."  Really?  God kills children who have physical or mental disabilities?  Because I have met children (and adults) who have those and they look very much alive.

"It will get better with time."  You're right.  I should just solider through; the death of a child is no big deal; inert time will heal all.

I know these people meant well, but I wonder if they have ever really been tested in their lives.  I just don't think that someone who has been through extreme pain or loss would say something like that.  At least not someone who has really thought about what they are going through instead of burying the pain in sayings that sound good but don't really make logical sense.

Luckily, the people closest to me, the ones I would and have talked philosophy with, are old souls-if they have not experienced such pain in this life, they must have in past ones-or they just understand somehow.  They get it.  I am so glad I have them as my friends.